“I can’t read the papers anymore. I just feel sorry for Obama. I want him so much to win. I would do anything to help him win. He’s a decent, wonderful man. And these Republican schnooks are so horrible. They’d be comical if they weren’t not funny. So. What’s to say, what’s to say? It’s very discouraging.”—The late, great Maurice Sendak spoke about upcoming election and much more in an excellent interview from last year, which is featured in the November/December issue of The Believer.
On a day in which many New York City residents and visitors rallied to help areas ravaged by Hurricane Sandy, news emerged that the National September 11 Memorial and Museum at the World Trade Center is flooded with at least five feet of water. The museum, which is still not completed, houses some of the more important artifacts from the 9/11 attacks, including the last column standing from the towers, the famous cross-shaped steel beam, and one of the tower’s stairways.
According to New York 1, there is expected to be some wind, 50 mph gusts, and a lot of rain. They do say that the storm is expected to hit New York late Wednesday and last until Thursday and that it “won’t be nearly as strong or devastating as Sandy.”
Obama Scraping the Bottom of the Celeb Barrel for His Campaign's Final Days
If you’re the President of the United States and you’ve already used up all the help you can get from George Clooney, Jay-Z, Beyonce, Sarah Jessica Parker, Gwen Stefani, Anna Wintour, Lena Dunham, and Zach Galifianakis even who do you turn to in your campaign’s final push? The Obama team has had some pretty lame celebrity guests during these past few days. C’mon Barry, this is go time.
Yes, the “Everyday” man himself stood by Obama’s side at a Virginia rally this weekend. “I remember four years ago when I was out west — I was recording out west,” he told the crowd. “And mailed in my ballot. When Virginia came back for Obama, it’s one of the proudest moments I’ve ever had in my whole life.”
Verizon Employee Arrested for Stealing Naked Pictures Off of a Customer's Cellphone
Dealing with a broken cell phone is pretty nightmarish. The thought of losing your precious contacts and funniest text messages is straight from the devil himself. Hopefully the workers fixing your prized mobile device will treat you better than a Verizon employee that helped a Florida waitress deal with some data loss. Josh Stuart told her that they were just switching the data from her old phone to her new one, but unbeknownst to her, he made copies of some x-rated nudie pics that she was storing on her cell phone.
Stuart then proceeded to share these pictures with at least one other employee, Gregory Lampert. Just picture those phone geeks sitting in the back room passing your sexts back and forth like trading cards. It’s enough to make us go landline-only.
Nickelback's Chad Kroeger Is a Total Anomaly, a Mean Canadian
Canadians are supposed to all be super nice. That’s what people say when you don’t want to go on vacation to Montreal, “but Canadians! They’re so nice!” Local obsession and New York 1 Pat Kiernan is the perfect example of a nice Canadian guy. His Norse-like features make him simply lovable and he’s funny, but not too funny.
Chad Kroegar from the much hated rock group Nickelback is the direct opposite of Pat Kiernan. This week, he told Men’s Health Magazine that he convinced the band’s drum tech to stick his penis into a whirring metal fan. He is the worst Canadian possible, a mean Canadian.
“Four years ago, the Daily News endorsed Obama, seeing a historic figure whose intelligence, political skills and empathy with common folk positioned him to build on the small practical experience he would bring to the world’s toughest job. We valued Obama’s pledge to govern with bold pragmatism and bipartisanship.
The hopes of those days went unfulfilled.”—The New York Daily News gave its endorsement to Mitt Romney this morning. They focused most of their editorial on backing Romney’s economic policies. Their editorial board says that “Romney’s not perfect,” but in this case, ”growing the economy takes precedence” over flawed gun control and immigration policies.
Trump at the Pump: The Full Story of his Post-Sandy Gas Guzzling and an Angry "Apprentice" Employee Responds
Yesterday we wondered if Donald Trump was sending crew members to gas deprived Yonkers to fill up vans for the production of his reality show The Apprentice. Our tipster finally got back to us last night and gave us a first hand account of the event:
Last night a crew of 18 vehicles all left from NYC to go to Yonkers for a gas station that we were told was opening up just for us around 1am. We left NYC around 10pm headed up the westside highway to Yonkers and arrived in the area around 1045. We got to the BP gas station at 191 McLean ave and there was a huge car line for it. Since we didn’t want to attract attention to caravan we spilt up and parked nearby waiting for the word to move to the station.
Is Donald Trump Filling Up His "Apprentice" Vans While There's A Gas Shortage?
One of the most frustrating parts of post-Sandy life has been the unendingly long lines for gas. Two arrests for violence at gas stations were made in Staten Island yesterday, and Yonkers Mayor Mike Spano announced yesterday that gas rations would come into effect today, limiting gas sales to ten gallons per driver.
Enter our anonymous tipster who tells us that a “a certain blonde haired blow-hard who has an obsession with our current president” is using Yonkers gas to fill up a number of passenger vans for his reality show.
Romney's New Attack Dog, Rudy Giuliani, Calls For Obama's Resignation
Even though he’s being attacked by idiots, Nate Silver is calling the election a complete lock for Obama which basically means it’s over. So what’s Mitt Romney to do now? Unless all of the state polls are totally off, he’s going to be out of a job come next week. He needs one last trump card and the Donald isn’t the man for the job. Romney is now hedging his bets on a last minute performance from Rudy Giuliani.
The former New York mayor joined Romney and Paul Ryan onstage at a mega-rally in Ohio last night, as part of a Republican all-star lineup that also included former presidential candidates John McCain, Rick Santorum, and Rick Perry.
Giuliani made the most news of the night by calling for Obama’s resignation.
Volunteer for Hurricane Relief Efforts Without Sounding Like a Dick About It Later: A Guide
Everyone who has some free time this weekend should spend their hours volunteering. But after you do your great deeds, like donating food or clothes, you might be tempted to overshare about it. You will immediately want to run to the hilltops and scream, “Hey everybody, look how much good I did.” Don’t do this! You will lose all of the moral superiority that you just earned.
Below are some suggestions that will help you to not act like a stupid jerk who brags about how much they volunteer.
Live Nation Gave Lady Gaga a Plane and Proscuitto Last Night
Lady Gaga’s Monster Ball Tour grossed 227.4 million dollars, so it’s expected that the touring industry wants to keep her happy. Live Nation wanted to make sure the Gags was at peak happiness so they gave her a 757 jet. She told her 30.8 million Twitter followers last night “So apparently LIVE NATION gave us a 757 I just cried on the tarmac. We tried to take a pic but its too big.” That last part is such a humble-brag.
She followed up that tweet with, “OMG there’s Internet on the PLANE. THIS IS MY PLANE IT HAS INTERWEBULAR features. Monsters :( i cant believe this sometimes,” which confirms the fact that Lady Gaga has never flown select flights on Delta Airlines before this.
“THE BOTTOM LINE: There is evidence that large-scale catastrophes may influence birth and marriage rates, but in which direction is not clear.”— The New York Times health blog looks into the rumor that natural disasters lead to more babies and marriages. Thanks for nothing, scientists.
John Cusack Developing Film About America’s Most Popular Misogynist, Rush Limbaugh
Active Twitter liberal John Cusack is developing a film about Rush Limbaugh, tentatively and creatively titled “Rush.” And, of course, the former Lloyd Dobler will play the popular conservative radio host/misogynistic racist himself. As the Associated Press notes:
Cusack as Limbaugh isn’t typecasting, politics aside. Cusack is a slender, dark-haired 46-year-old, while Limbaugh is 61, balding and portly. But Hollywood’s makeup experts have probably had greater challenges.
Ha, yes. All of that is true, AP. Also, this movie will almost certainly be awful. Production starts next year, which means it should be ready for hungover Saturday morning viewing on Netflix sometime in early 2014.
Two little boys who were literally swept out of the arms of their mother during the hurricane have been found dead. But that’s not the whole story, and it gets even sadder: 39-year-old Glenda Moore, the mother of the two boys (pictured above with her husband, Damian), knocked on doors in her Staten Island neighborhood, begging for help during the hurricane. No one would assist her, her sister claims.
At Long Last, Ricky Martin Weighs In On the Marathon
Before it was cancelled this afternoon, Ricky Martin was asked whether or not he thought the New York City marathon should continue as planned. “Yeah, the show must go on,” he said while wearing a hat that was just a tiny bit too small for his head. Interesting, Ricky Martin, very interesting opinion you have there.
He then posed with a girl in a pink jacket, touched her head affectionately, and vanished into the crowd.
It's Time for New York to Invade Connecticut and Steal All Their Gas
Even as power slowly returns, Post-Sandy New York City remains a desperate snarl of lines for fuel and transportation. But we hear that just to the northeast lies a pristine land of plenty: Connecticut. Now we must ask: Is it time for New York to invade The Constitution State?
After soliciting horror stories from the New York City gas shortage earlier today, we received not one, but two emails from people bragging… er, informing us of Connecticut’s vast petroleum reserves. There, fuel flows like the sap of sugar maples on a crisp New England night. Sweet, sweet gas.
Here Is a List of People Bubba The Love Sponge's Ex-Wife Is Also Rumored To Have Had Sex With On Camera
After we posted a brief clip of Hulk Hogan’s sex tape last month, TMZ reported that there were three other tapes made. We actually heard there were more than that. Soon after the initial Hulk Hogan not-so-sex-filled “sex tape” was published on Gawker, a man who called himself “Jim Janerro” wrote to us. He claimed he had more footage of Bubba’s wife getting it on in the same bedroom with numerous other partners, including other scenes with her and Hogan. He said there were “lots of black guys” involved, too. “Jim” claimed he found the tapes in a box of promotional DVDs he purchased at the annual Bubba Army Garage Sale last year.
A junky argues with her landlord while the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ heroin ballad “Under the Bridge” plays in the background. Then, when she shoots up, we hear a cover of the Velvet Underground’s “Sweet Jane.” An alcoholic druggie purges his stash and looks longingly at wedding pictures for a marriage that eventually failed to the strains of Bill Withers’ “Ain’t No Sunshine.” A drug dealer is brought in to deliver some hangover-busting cocaine and the refreshed drunk rides the elevator down from his hotel room to a muzak version of “With a Little Help from My Friends.”
The obviousness of Flight's soundtrack is a great indication of Robert Zemeckis' film's overall triteness. This is a movie of soap opera eyes during an embrace that leads to a Dear John letter. A movie where Denzel Washington does a drunken mumble that's so put on, I wonder if he's ever actually seen a drunk person before. It's a movie of the chin-stroking moviegoer's favorite sensibility, shallow depth, in which a character needs only one and a half layers to carry a film that the masses will consider complexly satisfying.
ConEd: Your Power's Back. ConEd: Psych, Still Out.
Not long after Bloomberg’s news conference this afternoon, during which he announced that ConEd could have power restored in most of Manhattan by midnight, did the cries of joy begin eruptnig across Twitter.
ConEd just robocalled. I have power! Fingers crossed they are right.
When I talked to him, I believe he had slept for maybe 15 hours in the past five days. He spoke quickly and passionately but without any focus whatsoever, and even the simplest question could lead into a tangent from which I had significant trouble pulling him away. “Did you create the Wikipedia article originally?” I’d ask. Two sentences later, he was telling me about his son, who is about my age, who does something at George Washington University and is a veteran and received some impressive military medal and did I know that global warming is definitely not man-made?
At one point I told him I lived in Brooklyn. He paused, and then yelled “JOEY BAG-A-DONUTS!” at me in some kind of 1970s Brooklyn accent.
The city said Friday that tap water in Breezy Point, Queens, was not drinkable and that all residents should drink bottled water until further notice. Boiling it does not make it safe, officials said.
Now that some New Yorkers are living without potable water, perhaps Michael Bloomberg should reconsider his assertion that Sunday’s marathon “doesn’t use resources that can really make a difference in recovery.” Long-distance runners and their supporters tend to enjoy guzzling clean water, Mike!
At what point does “homage” become “outright Hamburglar-style theft”?
Fans of inoffensive acoustic singer-songwriters have found their loyalties divided this week, after listeners noticed that a line in Taylor Swift’s song “All Too Well” (off her new album Red) sounded almost identical to one in singer Matt Nathanson’s 2003 song “I Saw.”
Here’s the Taylor Swift line:
"And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to"
Here’s Matt Nathanson’s:
"And I’ll forget about you long enough to forget why I need to"
“Residents and workers displaced by the dangling crane on 57th Street in Manhattan will be able to return to the area by Monday evening, Mayor Bloomberg said. The city plans to start securing the dangling crane on Saturday, and the operation is expected to take 36 hours. The building’s developer will eventually have to construct another crane next to the damaged one to dismantle it, the mayor said.”—From NYT reporter Michael M. Grynbaum.
“They asked people who identified themselves as fans of teams that had advanced to the NCAA championship tournament’s later rounds in 2009 to rate Obama’s job performance. Result: The further the respondents’ teams advanced, the higher their approval of Obama. Another recent study found a relatively high correlation between local sports teams’ success and mayoral reelection rates.”—Social scientists have proven that the performance of popular sports teams can have a significant impact on election numbers. The performance of the Ohio State football team could decide the presidential election. Also, asking people who they think will win is a better predictor of election results than asking people who they support. Americans care about sports, and about popularity. Anything but the issues, really. This is what freedom means.
Fuck this election. We’re looking toward the future. Clinton/Booker 2016. Hillary for prez; she holds it down on a global level. Cory Booker for veep; he’ll save your grandma from a burning house and then invite you over to chill, while quoting Frederick Douglass. America needs this now more than ever: Something amazing to look forward to. Look at that image by the incomparable Jim Cooke. Don’t you feel better already? Clinton/Booker 2016. Pass it on.