1. Oct 30, 2012 3:29pm

    How Not to Respond to National Catastrophes (Sports Personality Edition)

    These are rough days at Gawker HQ. If you ask the right clerics, the Good Lord ran wild on Babylon for SODOMANIA 2012.

    Nothing could cheer us more than waking this morning to see readers welcome us back. Like former Chicago Sun-Times writer and Around the Horn screammentator Jay Mariotti, who at the time he wrote this, had no idea if his imprecation was addressing dead people:

    Lest you think some bitter Olmec head with an Adrian Zmed Classic™ haircut is rudely lashing out, meet a true crusader against slime:

    1. During Mariotti’s acrimonious resignation from the Sun-Times, editor Michael Cooke said, in an official statement, “We wish Jay well and will miss him—not personally, of course—but in the sense of noticing he is no longer here, at least for a few days.”

    2. Roger Ebert joined Cooke’s sentiments in an open letter, printed on his blog, in which he said, “You owed us decency. The fact that you saved your attack [on the paper] for TV only completes our portrait of you as a rat.”

    3. From Wikipedia: On August 21, 2010, Mariotti was arrested in Los Angeles and booked on suspicion of a felony after a domestic altercation with his girlfriend. On September 13, Los Angeles city prosecutors charged Mariotti with seven misdemeanors in connection with the domestic disturbance.

    4. Also per Wikipedia: “On May 11, 2011, Mariotti pleaded not guilty to three felonies—stalking, domestic violence and assault—after he confronted his ex-girlfriend the same day a court ordered him to stay away from her, according to prosecutors. He was also charged with two misdemeanor counts of disobeying a court order. In addition to confronting his ex-girlfriend at a restaurant Sept. 30—the day he pleaded no contest to one count of misdemeanor domestic violence—prosecutors said he argued with his former girlfriend again outside of a Venice restaurant April 15. He allegedly pulled a chunk of her hair-extensions out, grabbed her cellphone, shouted at her, and ordered that she get plastic surgery because she was not satisfactory to his demands as a high profile sports writer and general celebrity, prosecutors said.”

    Slime wishes Mr. Mariotti the very best in his future endeavors, which Slime assumes mainly constitutes looming his eyebrow-plucked foundation-smeared fuckhead into FaceTime on his iPad and shouting I COULDN’T AGREE MORE at the FaceTime account on his laptop.

    — Mobutu

     
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    dead. Only assholery. Yep, he’s making my weekly wankapedia
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